Puppies and Patience, How Harrison is Making Me a Better Human Being

Harrison did something the other night he has never done before…he peed on my bed. He squatted down on my brand new, beloved ivory bedspread, and peed. I was beyond livid. Why, I ask, after a year of peeing outside does he suddenly decide to pee on my place of rest?

I ordered him out of the room and shut the door. Apparently this was torturous for him since he’s attached to my butt at all hours of the day, and he lay outside my door whimpering while I seethed.

I immediately did what any dog owner looking for answers does and googled “Why do dogs pee on beds?” Many people think dogs are expressing their anger when they pee on beloved couches or clothes, but from my past dog training experience, I know that dogs are not vindictive creatures (that’s what cats are for).

After reading all the potential reasons (of which, there are many) my anger slowly ebbed. I walked over to the door and saw this face:

The same worried, furrowed brows that say “Do you still love me?” (or in the case of the photo above, terrified brows that say “Get me off this boat!”). My heart instantly melted and within minutes, Harrison was back up on the bed (after I removed the bedspread to wash, of course).

So what does this mean in the grand scheme of things? I realize that I forgive Harrison for any and all transgressions ten times faster than I forgive my boyfriend, friends or coworkers. Even when he is being mischievous, I don’t harbor anger about his actions. Why? Because I have no doubt in his intentions and know beyond a shadow of a doubt he loves me. In short, I trust him.

I’m not sure if I’m the only one who struggles with this, but I often have pangs of self-doubt. I wonder if my friends really like me, or my coworkers actually value having me on the team. I find it hard to trust, and to give people the benefit of the doubt. I have found lately though, that the more I try to put trust in others, the less anger I feel.

After all, if Harrison can brave his fear of canoes simply because he trusts me to protect him, I can put my trust in others to love and support me.

Thoughts on Relationships

Ah, relationships. It still boggles my mind that I could be turning 26 next week and still be so confused about matters of the heart. Shouldn’t I have enough experience now to have it all down? Yet, I think my particular experience with relationships is what has left me so confused. After my marriage failed, I realized that I had never thought long and hard about how to truly make a relationship work. When my husband and I met, we fell in love almost immediately. It was like everything was so easy we didn’t have to try. Obviously now I realize that mindset contributed to the ultimate demise of our relationship (though there were admittedly many other factors).

Relationships take work. Yes, this is something we hear time and time again. But how many of us put this into practice when it gets down to the nitty gritty? We are a generation of instant gratification. We click a button and we’re instantly connected to hundreds of peers on Facebook. We want information and it’s at our fingertips. We expect the world to be handed to us on a silver platter, because we’re…special. I am by no means saying this is a catch all explanation for everyone in Generation Y (in fact, I have many friends who seem to have it all figured out), but I do think patience is a harder skill to learn in today’s social landscape.

I grew up attending a large church every weekend, which offered me a large community of support. My own parents have been married for 36 years, and I’ve seen countless examples of lasting couples. You’d think I would have learned tools for relationship success merely through observation. But here’s the sad truth…I simply wasn’t paying enough attention.

After my marriage I spent a lot of time simply trying to move past the hurt and anger. After that however, I realized that I must become intentional about my relationships. In fact, I realized that my emotional situation was so dire, that if I didn’t get down to the bottom of it and learn how to function in a healthy relationship, I was setting myself up for a lifetime of hurt and tragedy.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get to the bottom of my emotional hang ups, tendency to withdraw and general commitment phobia. I’ve read books and talked to friends. Still, I find myself struggling so much in my current relationship that I finally broke down and enlisted professional help…I contacted a therapist. It’s true that this is probably something I could (and should) have done long ago. But for some reason I was very hesitant to poor my heart out to a stranger. Now that I’ve bit the bullet, I’m hoping that therapy will give me the tools I need for success. To be continued…

My sidekick Harrison

A year ago I walked into the Oakland Animal Shelter and fell in love with a skinny puppy, curled up on a towel for warmth. Unlike the other dogs jumping on their gates to get a better look, he merely lifted his eyes, warily looking a yet another person walking by. After taking him into the playroom, he started wagging his tail shyly and eventually picked up a toy and dropped it at my feet. I had come that day with no intention of falling in love, but after I left, he had a name…Harrison.

Who could resist those eyes?

Even though it took me approximately .5 seconds to fall in love with his wrinkly brows and sorrowful eyes, adopting a dog was not a rush decision. I’ve always been a dog lover, and had been very close with the dog I had begged my parent’s to adopt when I was in 5th grade. After separating from my husband, I was forced to pick up the pieces and put my life together. I felt alone, and wanted a companion. I wanted to pour my energy into another living creature, and give and receive unconditional love.

Since the day I adopted Harrison he has been both a challenge and a blessing. He has challenged my patience with his undying energy, his penchant for shoes, and his dislike of his crate. But he also makes me laugh at least five times a day with his precocious personality, a body that wags so hard his tail hits him in the face and his insistence on making anything soft his new home.

He has endeared himself to me with his loving gazes and his willingness to cuddle. He has wormed his way into my heart and I don’t see him leaving that place anytime soon. Best of all, he’s helped me heal. And for that, I will always be grateful.

2012 “Weigh In”

As 2011 came to an end, I promised myself that 2012 would not just be better than my so-so 2011, but that 2012 would kick ass. I truly believe that a large part of reaching goals stems from holding yourself accountable instead of letting yourself off easy.

That’s why instead of an end of the year re-cap this December chronicling what I could have done better, I’d like to have a monthly “weigh in” if you will. This weigh in is meant to check my progress and keep me motivated.

So here’s how January stacks up. January was a crazy month, work-wise. Not only did I step into a new position that involves getting to know several client accounts, but I planned and attended my company’s biggest trade show of the year. It was exciting. But it was also stressful. I found it difficult to find the balance amidst new life changes. Not only that, but I let myself down on one of my biggest goals: to keep blogging.

On the bright side, I got a yoga mat.

I even used said mat. Whenever I could, I did yoga in my room for 20 minutes. One time, I even got my booty to yoga class.

I hiked more, and took Harrison out for walks more often.

I didn’t save as much money as I’d like, but I did put a large effort into using the money I spend to spending money to make my apartment an enjoyable environment. 

I’m trying to recreate the above picture from pinterest in my room. For too long, I’ve put absolutely zero effort into making my room comfortable. I’ve noticed that the more effort I’ve put into making my room a space I enjoy, the more I find myself wanting to hang out at home instead of going out.

Work-wise, I’ve gone into my new position at full force. Even if I’m less than 100% successful, I know that I’ve put every ounce of effort possible into making my position succeed, and that’s a good feeling. I also started my class, and am enjoying it so much. I love having the week broken up, and learning about a fascinating topic.

Overall, even if I didn’t reach every single specific goal I set, I think I did well in I think I did well in consciously creating changes in my life. And that, after all, was my biggest goal of all.

 

 

Goals for 2012

Ah, New Year’s Resolutions. You end the year feeling tired and like there are so many aspects of your life that need to change. A new year begins, which seems like a perfect opportunity. Over the course of the year you slowly lose your resolve until it’s time to make resolutions all over again.

I am not one to make New Year’s Resolutions. In the past I’ve found them silly since so many people renig on their previously passionate commitments. With that said, I have a new-found outlook and that is that goals are important. Goals should be set in order to help you achieve what you want. Creating New Year’s Resolutions can really be a great time to decide on the goals you’d like to achieve for the next year.

I really enjoyed a recent post by Caitlin at Healthy Tipping Point about New Year’s Resolutions.

http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/2011/12/wait-until-the-7th.html

A few takeaways:

1) Divide your goals into categories (i.e. personal and professional)

2) WAIT. Wait until the “OMG, it’s a New Year, anything is possible” hyped-up energy has cleared.

3) Be specific.

Taking her advice, I waited a few weeks to make my goals so I could make definable goals that I could stick to. Here are a few of my goals for 2012:

Personal Goals

– Work out at least 2x per week

– Incorporate yoga into fitness regime

– Read more books – 1 every 2 months

– Strengthen relationship with Ben

– Travel to see parents more often

– Save money

Professional Goals:

– Excel in new position

– Complete class to further Graduate School goals

I tried to make goals of a manageable size. I now read 1 book every 3 or 4 months, so my new goal is to read 1 book every 2 months. Instead of promising myself I’m going to work out like crazy 5 days a week, I tried to set a realistic goal to prevent disappointment.

I really do believe 2012 has great things in store, and am going to make a conscious effort to make my goals a reality!

 

A Weekend in Monterey

Over New Year’s Eve weekend Ben and I escaped to the Monterey Peninsula. I’ve been to Monterey a few times and have enjoyed all the tourist traps (the Monterey Bay Aquarium, Cannery Row, Steinbeck’s House and more). This time, I wanted a relaxing vacation away from noisy tourists.

We found a great hotel (that allows dogs!) in Pacific Grove, a town on the water next to Monterey. After arriving and checking in, we walked to the boardwalk that was filled with joggers, families and people walking dogs.

The scenery was breathtaking.

Later that night we got ready for a special New Year’s Eve dinner at Jack’s Restaurant at the Portola Inn. We rarely get gussied up for a night out, so it was fun to dress up and visit a fancy restaurant. Another motivation for the timing of this trip was to escape New Year’s Eve craziness. Instead of going out and partying with the crowds, we decided to have a nice dinner, relax in the Jacuzzi, and drink some champagne in our hotel room.

In the morning we found a local eatery (Halle’s Diner, great atmosphere but the food was only okay) and ventured to the coast once again. We drove down 17 mile drive until we found a deserted strip of beach to throw the ball for Harrison.

My dog has an obsession with the ocean. As soon as he can see it or smell it, he freaks out. He had a blast running up and down the beach chasing his ball until the ocean waves caught it and swept it away forever. The rest of the day was spent napping and venturing into Monterey for dinner at a local Chinese restaurant.

In the morning, we decided we needed a change of scenery and drove to Carmel. Known for upscale shops and eateries, Carmel is very reminiscent of St. Helena and many other Napa Valley towns. We had an especially noteworthy breakfast at Katie’s Place in downtown Carmel. Not only was the place so packed we had to sit at the bar to eat, but one of our plate’s could have fed a small family.

I got the Santa Fe Benedict with spicy Hollandaise sauce. By far one of the largest meals I’ve ever had, and it was also out-of-this-world good. And now I feel like I need to detox.

We ended the trip on another beautiful white beach, in Carmel.

More than simply relaxing, this trip was cleansing. It was the perfect way to end 2011 and ring in 2012 with a clear mind and refreshed spirit.

Travels in the Monterey Peninsula, the Home of Steinbeck

Though I could not say John Steinbeck is my favorite author of all time, I have long appreciated his unique writing style, his focus on people who make up the outskirts of society, and the fact that many of his stories are set in the very state in which I live.

Visit any town in the Monterey Peninsula (most especially Monterey and Salinas) and you will be inundated with plaques and museums dedicated to the prolific writer. Though very touristy, after I read Cannery Row I visited the historic Cannery Row of Monterey to have the unique experience of seeing the actual buildings and places the characters of the book visited.

Seeing the places that inspired Steinbeck’s subjects and characters drives home the notion that one must understand the deep-seated roots of an author like Steinbeck to fully understand the issues grappled with in his books. His novel Tortilla Flat received attention for focusing on Monterey inhabitants of Mexican descent, a character unique to that time and place. His own real life interactions with marine biologist Ed Rickets set the stage for Cannery Row and several of his forays into non-fiction works highlighting local marine life.

When I entered college with no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I naturally gravitated towards majoring in English. Books are the one subject I always enjoy studying. Even still, I struggled with the decision because the popular perception of majoring in English is that you can’t do anything with the degree. Upon entering the job field, I found this not to be the case. Majoring in English taught me how to write well, evaluate ideas and think critically and many of the jobs I’ve gotten have been based on those skills. Further, in depth analysis of famous works and their authors lead me to a deeper understanding of the issues facing our world and for that I will always be grateful.

A Quick Vacation Home

The Friday before Christmas, I finished my last day of work for ten days and flew to Arizona to see my family. I scheduled a 4-day trip because I wanted to have time to come home and get errands and house projects done before taking another trip to Monterey last weekend.

I love going home to visit Arizona family and friends but my trips always feel somewhat rushed. Not only do I need to spend quality time with my parents, but my visits to Arizona are some of the only times I get to spend with some of my best friends who I’ve known since Elementary School.

The morning after I arrived, my parents and I headed to the house of our family friends who we have known since I was in kindergarten. We had a great time eating a wonderful meal and playing with the new addition to the family–kitty Stig (named after Top Gear). Allison and Stig:

Isn’t he adorable? I’ve always been more of a dog person, but baby Stig was so cute I was tempted to smuggle him home in my purse. He’s so small he would have fit juuustt fiiinnneee.

I spent the rest of my vacation hanging around the Christmas tree, drinking hot cocoa and eating popcorn with my family and running around visiting friends. It was lovely to see everyone, but I missed Harrison terribly and couldn’t wait to return home to my own bed!

A Warm Christmas

After I moved from Arizona to California, I spent a few years saying “No,  I’m not actually a Californian. I’m from Arizona.” I spent close to 20 years there, and my family and closest friends still lived there. I identified with the sparse, dry beauty of the desert, and even found the lush greenery of California unsettling and chaotic at times.

Over the years, I became very appreciative of all the unique beauty and activities California has to offer. I love being a short drive from the NorCal coast, San Francisco and the Napa Valley Vineyards.

The view from Coit Tower, San Francisco.

Miles and miles of beautiful coastline, no humans in sight.

Lately I’ve realized that my view of “home” has shifted. Now, I view California as “my place,” the place I belong. With that said, I can’t wait to fly to Arizona tonight and visit loved ones, see the cacti and mountains and enjoy a very warm Christmas.

 

 

 

 

 

Life at a Frenzied Pace

My workplace is generous enough to offer the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day off  for all employees. For months I’ve been looking forward to 8 straight days of peace and quiet, but as the time approaches I seem to be pushing more and more undone tasks into my vacation. Between Christmas shopping, flying home for holidays, hanging out with much neglected friends, running errands and a getaway trip with the boy, my 8 days straight has turned into…er…a day and a half.

So amidst all the frenzy, my challenges to myself are twofold:

First I want to enjoy the quality time spent with each of the people I love without worrying about future plans.

With the boy

With my friend Steph and her adorable family

With my childhood best, Allison 🙂

Second I want to create quality time with myself  for reflection and relaxation. This will include a lot of this:

Book reading

Puppy snuggling

My goal is to start 2012 relaxed and happy even amid a frenzied pace.