Recently, I began dating again for the first time in nearly two years. To say this is a scary prospect is to put it mildly. As a divorced 26-year-old, I’m in an odd place in the dating world. I am by no means ready to enter into a very committed relationship, but I’m also unwilling to waste my time dating people who don’t really matter.
Basically, there’s a whole lot of this happening:
This has presented an interesting problem. I’ve met guys I think are wonderful but who I don’t quite feel are right for me in this stage of my life. I don’t want to lead them on by continuing a dating relationship, but I also fear “losing” their newly acquired friendship since I enjoy having many friendships with a wide variety of people.
I was stressing out about a situation like this earlier this week and venting to my friend, Alyssa. I asked Alyssa if I should try to explain my situation to a particular person so that I can maintain our friendship, and her answer was somewhat surprising to me, but rang true.
She told me I need to work on letting things go.
I have always considered myself a laid back person. But her comment led me to a realization: I’ve been getting hung up on maintaining trivial relationships. I’m so interested in people, and developing my own relationships with each of them, that I sometimes get lost in the process and can’t recognize that in the grand scheme of my life, that relationship isn’t that important. It’s surface level.
Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. And that’s okay.
I thought about many of the relationships I have in my life, and the type of relationships I value. I value having a few meaningful relationships based on common interests, goals and ideas rather than many shallow relationships with “close acquaintances.” Alyssa gave me the reminder I needed to spend my time fostering the relationships with people who I care about most rather than wasting time on inconsequential ones.
I’m incredibly grateful for her insight and honesty.